College essay... help!!!?
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. I Regret My Pessimism To make a change needs more than just willingness. “Don’t stop believing†that we often hear from Glee series is not wrong. I have proved it. Although Indonesia is not an English-speaking country, there are many English competitions held here. They are often held by government or education institutions. They can be in any forms or systems. But, there was sadness when I saw the condition in my city, Pontianak. There are only few English competitions held in this city, about 2-3 competitions every year. Those competitions are also not held in a proper system. They are often ineffective and unfair and the adjudicators are also unqualified and incompetent. It is the biggest challenge that I ever faced when my friends and I who are members of Ganesha English Community decided to hold a huge English event, an English event with national system. The reason behind this decision was not more than a will to make a change. I was chosen to be the head of Event Department that handled four competitions: Debate, Speech, Storytelling, and Spelling Bee. Creating a different concept was not easy. It cost me extra hard works because we wanted to do the best. But, funding was our problem. The school did not have enough money and the registration fees could not cover all the needs. The amount of money we had was not enough to hold 4 competitions, while the event day was getting nearer. Some of the committee members, including me, were pessimist. I tried to persuade the Head of Committee, Jeffry, to hold only 1-2 competitions. But Jeffry did not give up. He insisted on holding 4 competitions. He wanted to make a total change in his senior year. He kept encourage the committee to look for sponsorships and donation from government and private institutions. Jeffry’s belief on miracle was not useless. For about a week before the event day, the committee had succeeded to get the money needed for the competitions. Finally, the competitions could run. It was appreciated by many people: the board of juries, school teachers, participants. Even the West Kalimantan Department of Education later adapted the system we used. We were so happy and proud, especially Jeffry. He had brought us to success beyond the limits. Our dream to make a change came true. From this experience, I learned one thing. Hard works have to be followed by faith. There is always a way for those who endeavor and believe. Then I regret my pessimism.
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. Maybe use 'takes' rather than 'needs' . Maybe say 'The song “Don't Stop Believing†. That we often hear on the series 'Glee' rather than “That we often hear from series 'Glee'†. 'Educational institutions' rather than 'education institutions' . 'Any form or system' rather than 'any forms or systems' . 'Condition OF my city' rather than 'condition IN my city' . 'Only a few' rather than 'only few' . 'It WAS the biggest challenge' rather than 'it IS the biggest challenge' . 'That I HAVE ever faced' rather than 'that I ever faced' . You need a comma after 'my friends and I' (my friends and I, who are members of Ganesha English Community, decided to hold) . 'hard work' rather than 'hard works' . 'Pessimistic' rather than 'pessimist' . 'encouraging' rather than 'encourage' . 'donations' rather than 'donation' . 'in miracles' rather than 'on miracle' . 'in getting' rather than 'to get' . 'hard work has to be' rather than 'hard works have to be'
